Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm always down for nudity.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
