i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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