your parents love me but you hate me
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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