Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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