Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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