It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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