I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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