Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
