I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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