o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
