By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The air taste purple.
Randomize
