this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
