The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
