He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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