Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
