Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
