I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
