your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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