I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
