You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
