There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
