Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
