what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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