That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
