I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
