It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
