i don't like sucking hair
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
