Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
