when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize