question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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