I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize