When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
