Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
