I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
