oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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