Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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