If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
