A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
