I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize