Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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