I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
