She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
