I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
