Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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