Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
