if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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