Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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