I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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