Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
