the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize