Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
