If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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