i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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