i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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