GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize