so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
