I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
