i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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