I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
