Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
