At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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