Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
