I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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