I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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