I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
