im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
A bitchslap is in order.
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