She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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