The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
is wine microwaveable?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize