is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
