hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
