You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
