about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
