Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize