everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
