i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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